I need my confidence back so I can live right
I’m surrounded by people who just wanna get blackout drunk for fun. Like nah man. Let’s go camping or take a road trip or do some stuff we haven’t done before. I wanna live.
I keep thinking of places to move and they’re all relatively close to me and then I’m like “man I need a culture shock.” To go somewhere I’ve always dreamed of but thought to be too different for me. I feel like all these places are going to be big and scary but only if I keep that mentality.
Can’t even sleep because of my skin itching so bad. I need to figure out what’s wrong. I’m hoping it’s something a change in diet can help. it’s been like this for too long.
I think in the back of my head Im waiting for this ideal person to come out of the blue. I probably seem oblivious but I’m aware that I’m friends with boys who are obviously fond of me and some of them are so awesome and attractive but I never want more than a friendship with them. And feelings just never conspire. I remember having feelings for people who just ended up not really feeling me and now I’m completely jaded because I was head over hills each time and it never failed that I would end up hurt. I never cross anyone I’d like to pursue. And in my mind I make such a big deal about not having anyone when it’s not really that important but I would love for things to be mutual with someone for once. I want to love and feel loved. Im loved by my friends and family and likewise. But I know it’s not the same as sharing a love/infatuation with someone. Sounds silly but I think whenever I decide to move, I’ll find the job I want, I’ll be around good people, I’ll have new things to explore and I’ll be happy and someone will come around.
All this saying and not doing. I can’t wait to have the body I want so I can wear even 70% of my clothes or the clothes I WISH I could buy